I know it hurts
And I don’t know what else to say rather than am sincerely sorry and I mean it am sorry, Iam sorry for the sadness that paralyzed you; that sadness that makes you feel like you are pushing yourself toward just to go through motions.
Iam sorry for the pain that stings you and makes you feel like Iam pouring salt onto your open wound & heart. Iam sorry for the doubt that plagues you,the doubt that makes you like love is such a risk that’ not worth taking, I feel like its my fault, “NO it was honestly my fault for acting and being stupid and a fool for that night and everything for the entire relationship. I know no greater or better love from me can change that.
You tried for so long to protect us but I was a fool to notice that and I acted way stupid built a wall as high as those that rise up around castles or that along state house or the Department of defense headquarters at Hurlingham, strong and thick enough to keep a tempest of emotions at bay.
I used to nod approvingly like I get it or we are on the same page, nothing of what happened is easy but am proud of you, it is and will be hard for me but am happy and keep at it. Love is a scary beautiful thing but all in all let me convince myself there is light in all darkness.
Still heavy but have to put on a brave face cause you deserve so much better,I try reassure you. We shall never know cause we never tried to you my heart.